Why My Panic Attacks Were The Best Thing That Ever Happened To Me
So there I was, crouched in a corner.
The room was spinning and I felt as if I was out of my body watching myself. My chest was tight and my stomach was filled with sickening waves of anxiety. I felt hot, cold and clammy, at the same time. I was alone at the time and that made everything seem worse. Every fibre of my body wanted to run – run as fast as I could away from myself. At the same time, I felt paralysed, barely able to breathe. How could so much be happening in one body at the same time? I was pretty sure I was going to die that day.
That was my very first panic attack.
It rose up out of nowhere and I did not know how or why it happened. What I did know, was that there was something very wrong with me and I started to become frightened of what I was capable of. It was as though there was a mean, dark part of me, a ticking time bomb, that could trigger another panic attack any time it wanted and I was powerless to do anything about it. I was officially scared of myself.
Over the years I experienced many types of anxiety; some were intense and crippling like the first one and other panic attacks filled me with a deep, sickening dread that lasted for days. I saw many therapists over the years hoping to find a way to make these attacks go away and nothing helped. Telling my problem over and over again actually made my anxiety seem bigger. The old me was slowly disappearing and my anxiety seemed to be taking over my identity. I was told I had a disorder, which made me feel worse. I was offered various prescriptions and a part of me kept saying no to the medication.
At some exhausted point, I realised that ignoring everything from the neck down was not working. It was up to me to find a way to deal with this now crippling condition. It has taken many years of experimenting with myself; putting together the techniques and tools to fully release my anxiety. I have now been anxiety free for many years. For me, this has been my single greatest achievement, my emotional Mt Everest. Every once in a while I stop and marvel at how quiet and calm my inner world is and how different the world seems when you are no longer a big scary mystery to yourself.
Looking back, I am now grateful that I had this ‘problem’. My anxiety has caused me to know myself better, to understand that I was fully equipped to clear these feelings – I just didn’t know how. My anxiety was simply a symptom that I was not in a healthy connection with myself. I routinely shut down my feelings. I put all my focus on what was happening around me. I had zero knowledge of self-care. I put other people first and I never said no. What I did not realise was this was the perfect recipe for anxiety.
I also realised I was in an emotional ‘standoff’ with myself. I did not like my anxiety and until it went away, I would never be ok. In the meantime, my anxiety was actually waiting for me to attend to it, so it could go away. We were both stuck in an awful, ever increasing loop of pain and fear. I realised it was up to me to make the first move – toward this feeling that I had been actively fighting for years. This single, simple step began to change everything and it forms the basis of my anxiety release work.
Some facts about your anxiety –
There is an epidemic of anxiety in our society. It has become my mission to show people how to approach their anxiety in a way that naturally releases it. It feels incredible to know that you can do that for yourself. It is also good to know that there is no faulty part of you that takes pleasure in ruining your life, which is what we begin to think after a few years of being stuck.
Learning how to clear your anxiety will give you incredible access to your most powerful resources – your vulnerability, creativity, pure potential and capacity to love. Imagine what you could do with all that energy that is usually locked up in fear? How could you use it to make your life more fulfilling and fun? How would it improve your ability to give and receive love? Attending to your anxiety is easier than you think when you are shown how. Please get in touch if you would like more information.
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Originally posted on Nada’s About You Blog and reposted with permission.