Where’s My Libido Gone?


Where's my libido gone? By Pauline Ryeland
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Sometimes our libido completely vanishes, one minute it’s there and the next it’s not and you don’t know what to do about it. We can suddenly be left with absolutely no desire or urge to engage in any sexual activity and at other times we have the urge without getting the results we desire.

There are many reasons why we can have loss of libido. It can be due to bad health, medication, erectile difficulties, premature ejaculation, menopause, surgeries, stress and anxiety, having babies, young children and the big three 3; lack of communication, not enough time, and feeling too tired. Is it any wonder that libido issues become a vicious cycle? 

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Libido Can Come Back!


The good news is with libido whether you have it, or don’t have it, or never had it, can come back, it can be improved and you can learn ways to open yourself to experience more.

If you are in a relationship it often becomes a very big problem when one of you is not interested in sex. Maybe you’ve had a conversation about it that ended in an argument and / or tears and so it just gets swept aside and is never discussed again. When that happens it’s like there’s an elephant in the room, or in this instance, in the bed and it’s something that is sitting there between you and creates an energy, which affects you.

It’s often not discussed because for some reason we have trouble communicating our sexual needs, desires and wants. Couples can talk about all sorts of things, including deeply personal things, but for some reason we are still challenged when it comes to talking about sex.

READ MORE: Sex Drive Mismatch

Without Communication There Is No Intimacy, Without Intimacy,There Is No Sex!


So sometimes we just have to be brave, sit down and have that conversation and then together you can look for answers. Relationships are all about give and take and that also applies to sex. Sex is your creative life force energy and creates harmony in your mind, body and spirit and to shut it off completely means that your life force is being shut down.

Often to get the libido moving, it’s important to connect back to yourself and start with some solo activity. There are a few things you can do to reconnect with yourself.

Reconnect With You

A great place to start is with an exercise where you place your right hand on your heart and your left hand on your genitals. Imagine breathing into your heart, sending the breath down to your genitals and exhaling. Repeating this cycle about 10 times in the morning and at night starts to connect you into your body and more importantly into your genitals. It’s a very healing activity, which starts to open your heart, brings forgiveness into yourself for any pain, disappointment, grief etc. that can be connected with the genitals from experiences in life as well as loss of libido.


READ MORE: Sex and Intimacy: How to deepen the connection with your partner

Activate Your Pelvic Floor

It’s also really good to start activating your pelvic floor muscles, by tightening them and toning them as well as bringing in some breath techniques to start activating and moving the sexual energy. Start connecting with your body, doing some light touch with no expectations or desired outcome, but sinking into your body to create new sensations. From there it can be a gradual build up.

If things still don’t get moving, then it’s great to get in touch with someone that can coach and guide you with a simple plan to shake up and turn the volume up on your libido.

About the Author

Pauline Ryeland is an Intimacy Whisperer and is a certified Somatic Sexological Body Worker, Tantra Teacher and Facilitator. She is also a Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), Advanced Subconscious Reprogramming and Errikson Hypnotherapy, and a Results Coach and Performance Consultant.

She has been working as an Intimacy and Sex Coach and Educator for approximately 5 years.

Pauline sees men & women, singles or couples who are experiencing challenges in any areas to do with intimacy, sex, relationships and everything in between. She either sees people in her rooms on the Sunshine Coast or alternatively Skypes, nationally and internationally.