Sex Drive Mismatch: How To Deal With Differences in Libido


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Sex drive mismatch is one of the most common issues that couples face, but sex drive mismatch doesn’t need to spell bad news for your relationship as The Friendly Psychologist Jacqui Manning explains.

How Common Is a Sex Drive Mismatch?

Sex Drive Mismatch is more common than you might think as Jacqui Manning explains. “A sex drive mismatch can be quite a tricky one to manage, but it happens in many, many couples. So, the common misconception is that it’s always the bloke that wants more, but that’s not necessarily my experience in working with clients.”

How Should Couples Deal With a Sex Drive Mismatch?


Communicate and Adjust Your Expectations

“If there’s a dramatic difference in desire, talk about it, but talk about it outside of the bedroom. Use eye statements so that you feel like you’re just expressing how you feel. For example, you could say ‘I really miss the connection we have when we do X, Y, and Z.’ ‘How do you think it would be if we gave that a go on Sunday when you know that there’s a bit of time’?” says Manning.

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Schedule Time for Physical Intimacy

“Scheduling in sex seems unsexy and unromantic, but actually, it’s a great way to deal with desire discrepancy, which is what I call it. Finding a day together where you don’t have terribly many activities on so that you can spend some time together in the bedroom and just reconnect on that moment,” Jacqui Manning told The Love Destination Expert Series.
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READ MORE: Sex and Intimacy: How to deepen the connection with your partner

Kiss Passionately

Jacqui Manning also recommends that couples with a sex drive mismatch up their kissing dose. “A lot of people forget how to kiss their husband or partner across the years when they’ve been together for a very long time. But by putting your focus there, it actually gets your body feeling back in that moment, it gives you that feeling of sexual desire that you don’t have with your other friends.”

READ MORE: Where Did My Libido Go?

Seek Help

“If it becomes a cycle that you can’t break in talking to each other, if it’s become heated and negative all the time, then perhaps look for some outside help from a GP or from a professional, just to vent some of the negative feelings so you can reconnect in a positive way,” says Manning.

The Friendly Psychologist Jacqui Mannings’ Tips for Dealing With a Sex Drive Mismatch

  • Adjust your expectations – with time and age your energy will slow down.
  • Don’t ignore it – talk outside the bedroom, using “I” statements.
  • Schedule it! Once a week/fortnight/month is better than nothing, make sure you are reasonable and both agree.
  • Be patient and remember your sense of humour inside and outside the bedroom.
  • Seek help if needed – start with your GP and see what they suggest.
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    About Jacqui Manning