Phubbing: Phone ‘phubbing’ is a new word to describe snubbing your partner by using your phone while ignoring them. Do you phone phubb your partner?
When we ‘phubb’ someone, we are saying, “You are not as important as what is going on on my phone”, and placing that person second to an inanimate object. It takes away the time we should be spending with our partner discussing their and your day and spending that quality ‘We Time’ together, which is so essential for any healthy relationship to continue and grow.
Many couples will only see each other first thing in the morning and for a few hours at night, so time is very precious. Do you want to be forced to share that precious time with inanimate object or with people outside of your relationship when your partner is engaged on their phone or social media, exclusive to you? Attacking your partner over the issue will only cause conflict or arguments.
I recommend you bring up the problem respectfully and without judgement, particularly because often they may be completely unaware of how it is affecting you. Explain to them what it is you feel and provide them with the solution to the problem. It’s a matter of letting them know that this is important by saying ‘Could we discuss something?’ and doing it quite subtly.
By letting the person know how it’s affecting you, is far less confronting to them. Possible solutions include setting agreed boundaries for phone use when you are together. If someone has to work and is expected to be on 24-hour call that’s one thing, but for leisure time there are plenty of compromises.
If you’re out to dinner or watching TV, even just laying in bed together, try putting the phone on the floor or in another room and leave it for a set period of time so you can concentrate on giving your partner the time they deserve. This problem is escalating at a rapid rate in our society and it is not an age problem.
There are numerous younger and older people experiencing the same feelings and emotions as they are overlooked by the technology their partner prefers over them. I implore all couples to spend quality time with their partner every day. Talk to them, give them your time, your attention and yourself.
You can make their day, and yours, so much fuller and better just by securing that individual uninterrupted time. You can especially help them to feel wanted and important; and surely we all want our loved one to feel this way every day.