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How Can I Love You When All I Feel Is Emptiness?

BY KATE CHORLEY

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“How can I love you when all I feel Is Emptiness?” How depression affects relationships and what to do about it. By Kate Chorley
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Have you experienced what it’s like to be in a relationship with someone who is suffering depression or maybe it has been you? Have you blamed yourself or felt you may be the cause of their unhappiness? Have you felt lost in how to reach your partner emotionally? If so you are not alone, there are many women just like you struggling to deal with this scenario on a daily basis.

At any one time a significant percentage of the population are suffering depression and/or anxiety, many undiagnosed. There are specific causes with the most prevalent being lifestyle choices. When we live in an anxious state with our nervous system going crazy day after day, we deplete our body and become exhausted and depression begins to creep in under our conscious awareness. We begin to lose our joy for life, nothing really seems worth it, we begin to stay home more, letting go of our self-care and gradually feeling more and more empty without understanding how we got there. Very simply, living in an anxious state causes us to live in our heads and in doing so we lose connection with our body. Living in this way creates an emptiness, an emptiness we call depression.

How does this affect our relationships?

When we connect deeply with another we let our guard down, open up and let them in and the recipient does likewise. If we are living in our head or disconnected to our body this is very difficult, you can’t simply open up your head to let someone in, it needs to come from ALL of you. If your partner is depressed it can feel like they are not there or not themselves and can be very challenging to deal with to say the least!



If this is you, there is hope! There is a way back to finding yourself again, you can never lose yourself so to speak, you just lose connection.

1.    Important! Do not use this as an opportunity to beat yourself up. This has been your method of coping with life and your feelings to date, view yourself in a compassionate light with love and respect for where you are at, at present.

2.    Find a professional or a trusted friend you can speak openly and honestly with so you can start to deal with what’s troubling you. Burying our issues does not resolve them and will only cause us further distress which encourages other self harming behviours such as binge eating, alcohol and drug abuse or even overuse of internet, social media in an attempt to distract and self medicate.



3.    Develop conscious presence. Conscious presence is about living your daily life in the fullness of who you are. Body and mind aligned to the task at hand. If you are at the kitchen bench chopping carrots let it be with all of you, your mind focused on precisely what the body is doing, not off thinking about that argument you had with your partner yesterday and who was right and who was wrong. With conscious presence we are in connection with our body. We develop a fullness and a knowingness of what is needed and what to do in any given moment. It is not easy at first, but a great way to begin is to focus breathing gently in and out through your nose and let that be your focus for a few minutes.

Depression does not have to be a condition that you are condemned with and powerless to change.

Through seeking assistance and making different choices you can once again find that spark of light that is you and always has been. It is in connecting with this light that we can find true joy, harmony and love in our relationships. And we are all definitely worth that!

About the Author

As one of Sydney’s most trusted life coach and personal counsellors, Kate Chorley has worked with hundreds of people from a diverse range of backgrounds, helping them overcome addictions including drugs, alcohol, cigarettes and gambling, achieve weight loss, overcome eating disorders and address anxiety, depression, anger management, relationship issues and phobias. Her personal history and experience gives her a unique understanding of the internal battles you are currently facing. Her background in natural therapies, combined with professional qualifications in Counselling allow her to provide a holistic approach to your healing and personal growth, ensuring that the progress you make is true. For more information about Kate visit www.katechorley.com.au/