There’s nothing quite as heart breaking as the gut wrenching agony of unrequited love or lust, and let’s face it, most of us have been there at least once, if not a few times.
You spend every waking moment together, have shared your deepest hopes and dreams and would be the perfect couple, if only they’d come to their senses.
What do you do when the one you want doesn’t want you back and how can you tell if it’s just a temporary setback?
1. You bare your soul telling them exactly how you feel about them and they respond by telling you that you’re a great friend or shrug and run for the nearest exit.
2. They tell you they love you as a friend and don’t want to ruin the friendship (there’s no hidden message here, just friends means just that).
3. They tell you they wished they felt the same way.
4. You share a bed. You’re close enough to feel the rise and fall of their chest as they breathe, yet they don’t make a move.
5. They’ll kiss and cuddle but not in a sexual way.
6. They tell you they’ve been hurt and are unable to love because of their past relationships, troubled childhood, messy divorce, current marriage. (Read – unavailable.)
7. They sleep with you and then tell you it was a big mistake.
8. You’re always the one making the effort.
9. You drop them enough hints to sink a ship but they don’t seem to get it.
10. You’re not their type but they don’t know what their type is.
11. They tell you about the people they really fancy, (like your best friend).
12. They tell you they’re in love with their ex, (and carry a photo of them to prove it).
13. They’ve always got a reason why the two of you shouldn’t or can’t be together such as: they’re inundated at work, it wouldn’t be fair to you and you deserve better (the lamest excuse ever), it would be too much for their child, or they don’t think they’re capable of loving again.
14. You have a high amount of emotional intimacy but little physical intimacy.
We know it can be confusing and hard to believe that they’re not interested when you’re being sent mixed messages and the one you want is blatantly flirting with you. How can they tell you they’re not interested but hold your hand, cuddle you and act as if there’s something more? Surely they’re just confused and they’ll come round, right?
If the warning signs are there don’t delude yourself into thinking that something will change. Miracles are possible but maybe not in this case. It might just be time to move on, after all, don’t you deserve someone who’ll love and cherish you as much as you do them?
If you still believe that true love will reign, wait for them to make the next move. If you’ve told them how you feel, they’ve got the message loud and clear. Giving them a daily reminder of what they’re missing out on isn’t going to make them crawl back, but it might just push them further away. After all, would you want someone who was desperate for your love and affection when you didn’t feel the same way? We didn’t think so.
An extract from How to get the man you want / How to get the woman you want written by Katia Loisel and Paul Morris Segal.